there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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