Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
