Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
