All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
