Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
