someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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