he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
