you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
