kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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