at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
