you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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