im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
