i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
