The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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