These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
