im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
