Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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