I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he fucked my hip out of place.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
