I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize