I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
