If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
