Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
