He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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