party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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