you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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