So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't turn off my feet"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
