Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
