i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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