so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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