So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
