I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
