with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
