I can text with my tongue
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
