Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
