I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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