well I can't set my house on fire every night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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