I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
