the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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