I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
