I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize