Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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