If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
