So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
