I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
