Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
