The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
