i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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