im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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