this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
