my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
