True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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