The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize