we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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