im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
