There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
should my penis look like a turkey
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize