We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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