Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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