Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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