I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
