Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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