I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
