Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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