this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
