she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
