I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
