I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
