We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
