just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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