I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
